Bureau West

What if I told you there was a way to be happier and more successful… and it’s something everyone can do?  And what if I told you there’s science to back up my claim?

Well, after reading the book Positivity by Barbara Fredrickson (http://a.co/d/0HyX6rL), I can tell you that’s indeed the case.  Fredrickson cites a meta-analysis of nearly 300 different scientific studies of positivity, which collectively tested more than 275,000 people, and concluded that increasing positive attitudes actually causes success.

Fredrickson also provides some dramatic examples of people who turned their lives around from being depressed and “in a rut” to being happy and successful.  Positivity was even shown to bring about improvements in blood pressure, headaches and insomnia!

I recommend reading the book, but if you want to increase your positivity right now, here are some things you can do:

• Find your positivity ratio: Go to Fredrickson’s site http://www.positivityratio.com/index.php and do the online quiz to find your ratio of positive to negative feelings.
• Dispute negative thoughts: Pay attention to your negative thoughts and dispute them, like a lawyer would. Examine the facts.  Do they support your negative feelings?  In most cases, you’ll find your negative feelings do not have a factual basis.
• Meditate: Fredrickson cites the Open Heart study, where positivity brought about really impressive results. The group of co-workers in the study increased their positive feelings by doing “loving-kindness meditation” on a regular basis.  See a description of loving-kindness meditation here: https://www.mindful.org/a-loving-kindness-meditation-to-boost-compassion/
• Make gratitude a regular part of your life: It sounds corny, but study after study have shown that focusing on what you’re grateful for produces real improvements in your life.  I’ve started doing the following to fall asleep at night: I review my day and think about the things that happened that day that I’m grateful for.  Not only will you fall asleep with a smile on your face, you’ll realize that Murphy’s Law isn’t true – it just seems to be true because people focus on negative events!

I hope these steps work as well for you as they did for me.  Let me know!

In the past few weeks, two different coaching clients told me they think they’re “lazy.”  And they both clearly felt that was a negative thing, almost a character flaw.  The thing is, neither of them seemed lazy to me.  And based on their past histories, they didn’t sound like lazy people.  As we talked further, I realized they weren’t lazy at all – they were just trying to force themselves to do something they really didn’t want to do.  Once they realized that was the case, they both decided to refocus their efforts on goals that fit their strengths and their values, and the “laziness” went away.  In fact, they both experienced an energy boost!

Feeling “lazy” or blocked or lethargic can be a sign to take a step back and examine what you’re doing.  Is it something you want to be doing?  Is it in pursuit of a goal you really want to achieve?

Of course, we don’t always get to do things we love to do.  Almost every job or pursuit includes some activities that are less appealing than others.  But we tend to do them since they’re in pursuit of a larger goal.   (Though it’s worth looking at ways to decrease those activities, too.  Is there another way to get the same result?  Is there someone else who could do the activity?)

I’m talking about when you feel blocked about bigger things.  Something you feel you need to be doing, but you’re not.  Ask yourself if the activity is in pursuit of a goal you really want to achieve.  If you’re not sure, you may want to take some time to consider what values are important to you and if the goal fits with your values.  (And if you need help defining your values, take a look at this article: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTED_85.htm).

Next, ask yourself if you have the right strengths to get the activity accomplished.  I recommend taking the VIA Character Strengths Survey (https://www.viacharacter.org/Survey/Account/Register (you’ll have to create an account, but it’s free) and take a look at your top five strengths.  If those aren’t the right strengths for the task at hand, is there a way to partner with someone who has the required strengths?  Or is there a way you can develop those strengths in yourself?

Are you feeling blocked?  Stepping back and seeing how the activity fits with your strengths and values may be the first step to getting unblocked.

I recently read a fascinating book called Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard (by the Chip Heath and Dan Heath).  The book is easy to read and has lots of great tools to help make change happen.  One is particularly relevant to coaching situations; it’s called The Miracle Question and is used in Solution-Focused Therapy.  When dealing with a difficult problem, we would ask the question as follows: “Can I ask you a sort of strange question? Suppose that you go to bed tonight and sleep well. Sometime, in the middle of the night while you are sleeping, a miracle happens and [the problem we are discussing] is resolved. When you wake up in the morning, what’s the first small sign that would make you think, ‘well, something must have happened, the problem is gone!’?”

The question gets the person to think about the bright spots, the areas where things are actually going well.  You then follow up for specifics, tangible signs that the miracle has happened.

For example, imagine I were working with a business owner that had a problem employee.  When she answers the Miracle Question, she would think of situations where the employee is actually doing a good job, the bright spots.  We would then discuss what is different in those situations than in the cases where the employee isn’t doing well.  We would likely find some specific things that could be generalized to those other situations.

Another example: I have a client who frequently fights with his wife.  The Miracle Question helped him realize that when he’s nice to her, they fight less.  I know, shocker!  But the fact is, he didn’t realize that until the Miracle Question made him look for the bright spots in their relationship.

Are you dealing with a difficult problem?  Ask yourself the Miracle Question – the results may surprise you!