Bureau West

I recently read a fascinating book called Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard (by the Chip Heath and Dan Heath).  The book is easy to read and has lots of great tools to help make change happen.  One is particularly relevant to coaching situations; it’s called The Miracle Question and is used in Solution-Focused Therapy.  When dealing with a difficult problem, we would ask the question as follows: “Can I ask you a sort of strange question? Suppose that you go to bed tonight and sleep well. Sometime, in the middle of the night while you are sleeping, a miracle happens and [the problem we are discussing] is resolved. When you wake up in the morning, what’s the first small sign that would make you think, ‘well, something must have happened, the problem is gone!’?”

The question gets the person to think about the bright spots, the areas where things are actually going well.  You then follow up for specifics, tangible signs that the miracle has happened.

For example, imagine I were working with a business owner that had a problem employee.  When she answers the Miracle Question, she would think of situations where the employee is actually doing a good job, the bright spots.  We would then discuss what is different in those situations than in the cases where the employee isn’t doing well.  We would likely find some specific things that could be generalized to those other situations.

Another example: I have a client who frequently fights with his wife.  The Miracle Question helped him realize that when he’s nice to her, they fight less.  I know, shocker!  But the fact is, he didn’t realize that until the Miracle Question made him look for the bright spots in their relationship.

Are you dealing with a difficult problem?  Ask yourself the Miracle Question – the results may surprise you!

I was coaching a client recently about a business issue relating to finances and she said she found the issue “too complicated” to deal with.  But the issue she was describing could be easily handled with a simple spreadsheet.  My first thought was “that doesn’t make sense.”  But then I reminded myself: when someone tells you something that isn’t logical, don’t look for a logical explanation.  There’s probably emotion involved.  So, using my intuition, I asked her if the financial issue was too complicated or if the problem had to do with her relationship with her business partner.  And it did.  That enabled us to deal with the real problem and talk about her best approach.

Are you dealing with something that doesn’t make sense?  Set logic aside for a moment and look for the emotional aspect.  You’ll be glad you did!

Sometimes people are just overwhelmed when it comes to achieving a goal.  They’ll say “I don’t know where to start.”  Well, first, take a deep breath.  In most cases, when people look at things calmly, they see they’re not as daunting as they first appeared.

Next, ask the world.  You have unlimited knowledge available to you on the internet and through your connections on social networks.  Find out what you need to know or whom you need to ask!

Once you know what you need to do, the next step is to actually do it!  If it’s something you really want, it shouldn’t be too difficult to put in the work.  Make the decision to focus.  Larger-than-life coach Tony Robbins gives this example, which I found quite inspiring:

“I became an excellent public speaker because, rather than once a week, I booked myself to speak three times a day to anyone who would listen. While others in my organization had forty-eight speaking engagements a year, I would have a similar number within two weeks. Within a month, I’d have two years of experience. And within a year, I’d have a decade’s worth of growth. My associates talked about how “lucky” I was to have been born with such an “innate” talent. I tried to tell them what I’m telling you now: mastery takes as long as you want it to take. By the way, were all of my speeches great? Far from it! But I did make sure that I learned from every experience and that I somehow improved until very soon I could enter a room of any size and be able to reach people from virtually all walks of life.”  [From Tony’s book, “Awaken the Giant Within”]

The fact is, you can do almost anything if you set your mind to it!

What is confidence?  Why are some people more confident than others?  Do the confident people have some special skills, some special power, that those without confidence lack?

Well, yes and no.  They have a special power, but… you have that power, too.  You just have to activate it.

To my mind, “confidence” means the knowledge that you can make things happen.  It doesn’t mean that you can do anything, but rather knowing that, if you set your mind to it and do the work required, you can do it.

People who aren’t confident just assume they can’t do it, so they don’t try.  There’s a quote that’s attributed to Henry Ford: “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t–you’re right.”

So what do you do if you don’t have confidence, if you don’t “think you can?”  How do you change that thinking?  We know that ideas that get focused on grow and develop.  So don’t focus on thoughts about what you can’t do or examples of things that haven’t worked out in the past.  Rather, focus your thinking on examples of times that you have gotten things done, times you’ve been successful.  Think about that for a minute.  When you have you accomplished something and felt great?  Focus on those feelings and watch your confidence grow!